The art of “moving on” post-fight

3 tips to get you back on your feet

Let’s face it. We all have conflict sometimes. And actually “fighting” is a fundamental part of being in intimate family relationships. It can be an important opportunity to be more honest with each other (or yourself), to work through things that (frankly) need to be talked about, and “clear the air” about your wants and longings.

What we often don’t talk about, though, is how to recover from conflict.
So you’ve let it out.
You’ve said your piece, but now you might feel so far in a “funk” that you don’t know how to get back on track.

And if ADHD is in the picture, you might feel even more stuck - perhaps in a cycle of frustration or disappointment.

Having a strategy for moving forward can be key to getting yourself back. Here are three tips when your emotions have gotten hot, and you’ve lost your spot!

Moving On Post Fight FBook1. Don’t try to determine a winner (or a loser for that matter)

Healthy fighting is not about winners and losers. It is about both people sharing more about their feelings (ideally their wants and needs), and if done right, is about trying to understand your relationship more deeply. So, don’t try to focus on who is to blame or who was more right or wrong. Focus on the opportunity to connect more deeply, even if painful words were shared, and work to see where you can find alignment.

2. Focus on what comes next (not what just happened)

Neither of you will remember your dialogue verbatim, even if you think you remember exactly how the conflict came to be. The reality is, you can’t be objective about these kinds of talks. Getting stuck in the chronology of “who said what when” is an exercise that usually doesn’t get you anywhere. Instead, realize that neither of you remember it exactly as it happeded. Use your energy to focus on what each of you needs to move forward. What happens now? How could we avoid this in the future?

3. Know what you need to recover (build a recovery process for yourself)

Having conflict, especially with someone you love, can take a lot out of you. Learning what you need to get energy back in your tank is key. Maybe you need some space? Maybe you need something together? Learn what works for you. Whether it’s taking a bath, going for a walk, having a chat with a friend…whatever it is, don’t just assume you will get over it. An active strategy that puts you in the driver’s seat, that is in your control, can really help you regain your zip and lead to feeling better faster.

Knowing that some fighting is okay, and can even be healthy and good can help you accept it as part of life. Try to understand what you need to move forward and work together to make the most of the tough stuff.

 

 

 

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