Springboard Clinic

I sat in a small rural church in Ontario about 5 years ago listening to a minister marry two of my closest friends. I had only been married myself a couple of years then, and I too was asking questions about what long term partnership is all about. She shared some advice that day that has always stuck with me. As I remember it, she looked out at our young crew and said: “A successful marriage takes two people who are both giving 80%. That it is not about each of you giving 50%. It is about both of you giving your all, all the time”

In marriage (especially when ADHD is in the picture), it can be downright exhausting to give your all, all the time. You feel like you are already giving endlessly. And you’re overwhelmed. Often, you look over to your partner and inevitably end up saying, “So what have you done for me, lately?”

If you're the non-ADHD partner in a relationship, you might be working hard to "compensate" for your ADHD partner, which is leaving you frustrated and resentful. 

On Melissa Orlov's blog ADHD and Marriage, she posted an article called: You Can't Change Your Relationship On Your Own. This is an important read for you.

"Adventure Deficit Disorder & ADHD Relationships" is an article written by clinical psychologist Kirsten Milliken, outlining the "waning of the intense connection felt when falling in love" in ADHD relationships.

With or without ADHD, every relationship loses some of the thrill over time. That's inevitable. But, there's more to it with ADHD...

If you or your partner has ADHD, check out this BuzzFeed list called 19 Illustrations That Sum Up Being In A Relationship When You Have ADHD. It's a short and sweet way to better understand how ADHD can impact a relationship.

As the list says: "Dating someone with ADHD can come with a lot of benefits...and it means the world when our partner gets that."

Not all individuals with ADHD are impulsive. But, when impulsivity is a symptom of your ADHD, it can impact relationships in many ways.

If you're struggling in your relationship, you're not alone. And, if ADHD and/or mental health is playing a role in this struggle, you're definitely not alone.

For those couples out there who are struggling, consideration number 1: get some support. Working on your relationship takes time, but getting professional help can make a big difference in this.